Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
