it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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