we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
