It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
