if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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