my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
