WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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