two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
