You made me cry and you don't even care
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
