I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
