My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
A bitchslap is in order.
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