i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
