My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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