either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
this is an emotional support booty call
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
