Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
