Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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