i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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