Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you would pick up someone in the library
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
