We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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