Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
