Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
