you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
