dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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