The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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