i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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