We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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