I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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