Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
