He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
