I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
