its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
