..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
