i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
