Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
