Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
