38 yer olds are good kisserssss
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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