i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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