I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
