"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
