Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
