You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
