Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I pour the whiskey from now on
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
