My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
