Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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