He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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