Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
