your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
