We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How naked do you want me to be?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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