Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
