conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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