Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He shit in the fireplace
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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