i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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