Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
