i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
